The Akabeko Crisis
by RurouniGochan
Summary: Tae's stressed out so the Kenshin-gumi send her off on a vacation. Now they have to run the business while she's gone. Hoo boy. This is sure to be a recipie for disaster. ...Especially if Kaoru cooks.
1. Prologue: Snapping

**ADDITIONAL NOTES 7/12/02**

Boy, I feel stupider than Iwanbo answering a Jeapordy Daily Double. Thanks to Nim in the reviews for pointing this out to me. This is a _Prologue_, not an Epilogue as I had stated it to be earlier. Hopefully all is fixed now (I had to correct that as soon as I realized it). Gomen minna!   
  


Disclaimer: I blew out my humor-fuse trying to write this fic, so I have no witty way of saying "I don't own Rurouni Kenshin." So...

I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. Plain and simple.

  
  


_Important Notes: For those who know me, you're probably wondering, "What about your other fic?!" So let me assure you right now that A Rurouni's Guide to Idiocy is NOT being tossed away. It is, however, going on a short hiatus._

You see, I've kind burned myself down on that one, and I need to take a break from it. This was going to be my next story, and I've decided that while I may put this aside to go back to "A Rurouni's Guide" later, I wanted to give everybody a little teaser of what's to come afterwards.

...Okay, so the "little teaser" is a 6-page prologue, but what the heck, ne? Enjoy!

  


**The Akabeko Crisis**

Prologue: Snapping

  


The atmosphere at the dojo was so thick with tension, Yahiko could have sworn it was slowing down his swings. Sanosuke watched him from the porch, looking more on edge than his "bumming standards" normally allowed. 

"There's a bad smell on the wind," he mumbled, sounding oddly philosophical. Yahiko paused from his practice to nod in agreement.

"Awful things are in store for us."

Seeing their internal plight and sensing the same forbidding air himself, Kenshin still knew that each of them were helpless to stop what was coming. The only thing to do now was to sit and wait, preparing themselves for the worst. But maybe a little reassurance would help set them all at ease… Anything at this point might help.

To this effect, the rurouni smiled aimlessly at them. "I think you two are letting your imaginations get the better of you de gozaru."

"I think it's more of past experience getting the better of me," Sano grumbled with the young boy in full agreement.

So much for that pep talk. 

Kenshin sighed. "Sanosuke. Yahiko…"

Both males turned to look at the cross-scarred swordsman, noting the wise gaze he was using-the one that he saved only for when he was about to say something deep, meaningful, and profound. It was that very soulful stare that always managed to quiet Yahiko and Sano, making them lean forward in wait for his ageless words.

"…Kaoru-dono's cooking isn't _that_ bad."

After having leaned forward so far, his companions hit the ground face first. 

Then, as if his statement had been a challenge to some cosmic being, the three heard a familiar voice ring out through the yard.

"Minna! Lunch is ready!"

Kenshin wasn't sure if he thought it, breathed it, or if Sano actually muttered it, but one phrase echoed in him.

Time to swallow your own words, Rurouni.

----------

Thirty minutes later the group was walking up to the Akabeko.

"Divine intervention comes when it is least expected and most needed," Sano recited poetically.

"What's with you sounding like a monk, Sano?" Yahiko asked. "I think you stayed at that visit to your buddah friend that's in jail a little too much last week."

"Heh. Maybe. But you gotta admit, it almost was like an act of God."

"Nah, it was only a matter of time before Busu nearly burned down the kitchen with her cooking."

"Will you two stop talking like I'm not here?!" Kaoru yelled, blood vessels ready to burst. "And my cooking had nothing to do with that fire! It was just an accident! It's not like I _want_ to burn down my family dojo, you know."

"Maa maa," Kenshin soothed to no avail. "It was only a small grease fire, Yahiko. It happens to everybody."

"Not when you're making _rice_," Sano chuckled. "Jo-chan, you're the only one I can think of that could get that much oil out of a starch."

"Well you weren't any help in putting it out, Sanosuke!" she shot back.

"Hey, how was I supposed to know water would _spread_ it?! I'm not a housewife like Kenshin!"

"Sessha does not appreciate that remark, de gozaru," the redhead sulked.

"It's not my fault that that's the reputation you've built for yourself."

"Aw let's just forget about it already," Yahiko said as they ducked under the entrance flaps and stepped inside the restaurant. "Listening to you guys bicker is annoying. I'm just glad we can always count on Tae-san's cheer to make up for it."

"Irasshaimase," the afore mentioned waitress greeted, her afore mentioned cheer sounding forced. "Table for three?"

"Hey, there are four of us," Sano pointed out.

Suddenly, and very surprisingly, Tae struck him with a piercing stare that, if possible, looked more intimidating than a rampaging, shinai-swinging tanuki girl. "Oh really?" she asked, her voice taking on the characteristic of a snake coiling up for the strike. "Can I assume that means you have money to _pay_ this time, Sanosuke-san? I'm not tolerating any freeloading today."

Survival instincts kicking in, Sano sought refuge behind the nearest object that could withstand a possibly random fit of violence. I.E. he ducked behind Kenshin. Pointing to the very same rurouni he stammered, "E-easy Tae-san. Kenshin's picking up the tab this time."

Turing her new frightening gaze on the swordsman, Kenshin sweated bullets under her analyzing irises. "Is this true, Ken-san?"

"Ha-hai, Tae-dono. And sessha has enough money for everyone's meal, de gozaru yo."

Suddenly the room seemed to brighten again (when had it gotten dark?) as Tae relaxed and smiled harmlessly. "In that case, please follow me minna."

They did so in silence and without making any sudden movements. They didn't wish to invoke any similar reactions like that out of the head waitress again. 

Tae made a brief sweep of their booth before letting them sit down in it. Using this momentary distraction, all three men shot their eyes over to Kaoru with a look that encouraged/expected/commanded her of the same thing. Basically, to ask Tae what was up with the hissy-fit back there.

_Why me?_ her annoyed glare shot back. Separate answers met her.

_Because you're her closest friend de gozaru._

Because you're a girl!

'Cuz there's no way I'm gonna risk getting my head bit off again!

Blowing her bangs up in a huff, Kaoru allowed themselves to be seated before turning towards their server with her best caring and empathetic smile.

"Anou… Tae-san?"

"Hai, Kaoru-chan? What is it you'd like to order?"

"Eh? Oh, um… Just the usual will be fine."

Tae's left eye seemed to twitch, consequently startling the others. "And you'd expect me to remember what 'the usual' is because…?"

"Anou… Because we come here often enough?"

"Try again."

"…Because you like to memorize your friends' usual orders?"

Twitch, twitch. "Strike two."

Kaoru began to sweat. "…We'd just like a beef hot-pot, please."

"Coming right up!" Tae beamed with all the pleasantries of a ticking time bomb. The others watched her leave with half the idea to duck and cover.

"What's up with Tae today?" Sano whispered, even though the woman was now well out of earshot. "She's never looked that bloodthirsty at me before, no matter how high my tab's been."

"I know," Kaoru replied, her strange blend of curiosity and worry lining her voice. "It's obvious that she's only acting cheerful right now out of her obligation as a hostess."

"Something must be bothering Tae-dono an awful lot to have her get upset at Kaoru-dono's naïve assumptions."

"Yeah, she… Hey, what do you mean 'naïve assumptions?'"

"Oro? Sessha just meant that you didn't mean any harm," Kenshin clarified, waving his hands in surrender and thus saving him from becoming one of Kaoru's practice dummies.

"Anyway," Sano continued. "We should figure out what's wrong with Tae soon and help her out! As her friends it's our duty to ease her pain!"

"You just want her in good spirits so you can continue mooching off free food," Yahiko said, shattering Sano's good-will disillusion.

"You should speak less and shut up more, brat," the ex-gangster muttered.

"Sano's right," Kaoru said without specifying the statement she was agreeing to. Reaching out, she plucked the Akabeko's youngest waitress by the apron strings just as she walked by. "Tsubame-chan," the kenjutsu master said once the girl had calmed down after being so suddenly handled. "Do you know if anything's been bothering Tae lately?"

"Well…" the young brunette began hesitantly.

"Please tell us, Tsubame-dono," Kenshin kindly stated. "We'd like to help you in any way we can."

"Well…"

"Is there something wrong at her home?" Kaoru gently prodded. "Is anyone or anything unusual bothering her?"

"Well…"

"YOU'D BETTER TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON NOW YOU LITTLE WENCH OR I'LL BEAT YOUR BRAINS OUT!!!"

"EEK!"

(*WHAM!*)

"SANO NO BAKA!! You're scaring her!!"

"Well asking nicely wasn't helping so I just thought I'd try another approach," Sanosuke grumbled, tending the bump his skull was now sporting.

"Please, Tsubame," Yahiko stepped in, gazing at the small waitress tenderly even as she hyperventilated. "Tell us how we can help."

No one there could quite understand how the pleas of a loud-mouthed show-off like Yahiko could melt the resolve of such a demure young lady, but it did. With a sigh, Tsubame clutched her serving tray to her chest and broke any resolve to secrecy.

"Our cook quit last week and Tae-san hasn't been able to find a replacement yet, so she's been doing most of the cooking herself. And because we've had trouble finding willing helpers for the serving area ever since the last restaurant was destroyed, she's been handling that too. But the longer it takes for the food to get to our customers, the slower our business has dropped down to. I think Tae-san is worried that we won't have enough money to get a new chef." She timidly glanced up Sanosuke. "She's very determined not to let you freeload anymore Sanosuke-san, and if things don't get better, she's said that calling in your debts could tide us over for a long time." Sagara audibly gulped. "I think it's just the stress though. She's been working too hard on her own to keep this business running smoothly."

"I can see how that would be a problem," Kenshin agreed quietly. "Tae-dono can't possibly keep the Akabeko running at its normal pace without her usual help for long. A week is already too much for one person to handle."

"But she seems to be doing pretty well for herself," Yahiko intervened. "I mean, she still looks pretty friendly except for that freaky twitch thing her eye keeps doing…"

"That's been there for a couple of days now," Tsubame informed.

"Which means it won't be long before she snaps," Sano concluded.

Kaoru instantly became more upset at this. "Snaps? What do you mean? Snaps like how?"

"Sumimasen!" Tae called, walking their way with a steaming pot of their order. "I know your orders usually get here faster but we've had a little trouble in the kitchen lately."

"Tae-san..." Kaoru began but was interrupted by the men sitting in the booth across theirs.

"Oi, lady!" one of them cried. "We were here before them but haven't gotten _our_ order yet! Get that butt of yours in gear and tell your lousy chef to hustle it up!"

Lines like this one are usually followed up by a long, unnerving silence as everyone is awed by the rudeness and paralyzed by the thick tension. Tae, however, was not silenced and certainly not paralyzed as she never once broke her stride but instead changed its direction so that she was soon standing in front of the offending customers.

"I'm sorry for ignoring your order gentlemen but as I said we've been having a little trouble in the kitchen. If you'll excuse me this once, I'll just serve those nice people over there and then work on getting your order ready." 

"You'll serve us _now_," the man nearest to her said. "It's not _our_ fault your service is poor. We shouldn't suffer for it."

Sano expected Tae to pull that rattlesnake impression as she had before, but instead, she remain perfectly calm. She was still smiling, never faltering, eye twitching… 

Uh-oh.

"Of course," Tae said. "You're absolutely right. Well, the only way for me to serve you right now is to give you their order. Does that sound alright?"

"Huh?" the same man blinked. "What're you talking about? We don't want what _they_ ordered, we want whaaAAAAAAH!! HOT, HOT, HOT!! STOP POURING, IT BURNS!!! LADY IT BURNS!! AAAAHHH!!! OH KAMI, IT BURNS BAD!!!"

With terrified transfixion, Kenshin and the others watched as Tae proceeded to pour every last steaming drop of beef hot pot onto the poor man's lap. Kaoru gasped in horror, covering her eyes with spread fingers, muttering how sorry she felt for the man. Her male company winced in agreement, thinking how especially sorry they were for the man's lap.

Tae merely tsked at his wailings and wagged her finger at him the way a mother would when scolding her child. "You're supposed to say, 'itadakimasu' when someone gives you something to eat," she chided, and then smiled in forgiveness. The twitch had gone as though it were sated by this punishment.

"Snaps like that, Jo-chan," Sanosuke finally uttered. "Something like that."

----------

Kenshin could tell it was shaping up to be one of those "interesting" days. In less than the course of an hour, he and his friends had not only been denied their meal twice, but each time had experienced some cataclysmic event which prevented it. He wouldn't be too surprised if Shishio himself appeared before them now just for the sake of getting between him and a riceball. 

"Ara!" Tae proclaimed in her soft serene way. "Is the lunch hour done already? My, that certainly went by fast!"

No one decided to tell her that after her "demonstration" of what happens to impatient customers it didn't take very long at all for the crowd to make themselves scarce. Only the normal residences of the Kamiya Dojo stayed behind to have Kenshin talk to her.

This would have been completely natural had Kenshin decided it. Consequently however, he had no choice in the situation.

Normally the swordsman, being the kind-hearted person that he was, would have gladly taken the time to talk to her of his own free will. However, the group had immediately done a unanimous (and by unanimous that means 'whatever Kaoru says') vote after the incident to use Kenshin as the spokesman before he could even come to his own resolve. 

It was the most reasonable and logical thing to do, of course. Out of their entire group, Kenshin was the one with the most experience in counseling psychotic cases back to stability. And although the man himself wasn't sure he appreciated everyone thinking he had a degree in the matter, he accepted the responsibility. Naturally he approached the issue how any wise man would. 

Praying for his life.

"Anou… Tae-dono?"

"Hai, Ken-san?"

"Is everything… alright? You said earlier you've had problems in the kitchen." 

She tittered briefly and would have looked very normal and feminine if the muscle under her left eye hadn't started spasming again. "Why everything is absolutely fine, Ken-san! Oh, maybe our cook quit last week and I myself have had to do nearly all of the work, but I'm fine! I mean, I'm perfectly fine doing all of the cooking, cleaning, sweeping, Serving, Chopping, Washing! Shopping! Greeting! And Smiling, ALWAYS SMILING!!" 

Everyone immediately retreated backward when Tae's voice reached its peak and screamed. Her own outburst seemed to dawn a realization on her and she quickly covered her mouth with a delicate hand. 

"Ara, did I just shout that last part aloud in an uncontrolled fit of insanity?" The others nodded cautiously. "Oh, gomen. I was hoping that was just my inside voice."

Her companions each had a large bead of sweat roll down their cheeks.

"Anou… Tae-dono," Kenshin addressed again. "Perhaps the stress is becoming a little too much for you? It is beginning to have a large effect on your behavior de gozaru."

Tae's eyes blinked which the others found a lot more reassuring than twitching. "What do you mean, Ken-san?"

Carefully (_very_ carefully), the redhead placed a comforting hand on the waitress's shoulder. "Tae-dono, sessha wants to tell you this as gently as possible. Lately you just seem…well…"

"Like you're missing the dice in a toss," Sano supplied. 

"A few students shy of a kendo school," Yahiko suggested with a snicker. 

"One freak short of a Juupongatana," added Kaoru, idly penalizing Yahiko for his careless sentence. 

"I'm afraid I don't understand," Tae responded.

"Tae-dono…" Kenshin, using his afore mentioned "specially reserved tone," looked purposefully into her eyes to tactfully tell her what only a true friend could. "You've cracked, de gozaru!" he blurted, sending his companions crashing to the floor. Tae merely smiled.

"Aa, I see now," she said. "You're all worried about me, aren't you?" Again they nodded. "How sweet! I'm so happy to have good friends like you three."

"There are four of us," Sano corrected.

"Oh yes, you're right. Three wonderful friends and my financial fallback plan! It's so important that I have each and every one of you in my life!"

Sagara grimaced. "That's not exactly what I meant."

"In any case," the Akabeko manager continued, "there's really no need to worry. It has been a little hectic, but it's not as bad as I probably make it seem."

"Really, Tae?" Kaoru asked hesitantly, wanting to believe her friend but doubting in case she was only trying to protect her from worry.

"Of course, Kaoru-chan," the waitress warmly grinned, no trace of lie or hidden motivation present. "I'll have a new cook soon and things will be absolutely…"

"Oh dear," Tsubame interjected, picking that moment of all moments to say something as random as, "The person who sat here didn't use a coaster."

Perhaps it was the carelessly thrown foul swearing. Perhaps it was the rattling of the walls as Tae's voice resounded off of them. Or maybe it was even the nerve sticking out of her temple that would rival Enishi's. In any case, on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being Jin-e and 10 being Soujiro) Tae was scoring an 11+. It was obvious the woman had reached her limits.

"Vacation?" Kenshin asked the others, who somehow managed to hear him despite Tae's rant.

"Vacation!!" they agreed.

  


End Prologue.

  
  


NOTES THAT MIGHT HELP:

-This timeline is a popular AU used my many RK fanfic writers. Basically it's after Kyoto and after Jinchuu (the Revenge Arc) but the Kenshin-gumi have not split up and are still hanging around together. Right now it is about a month or so after the end of Enishi's threat.

-Sano's "budda friend that's in jail" that Yahiko talked about is supposed to be a reference to Anji. I figured Sano would visit the guy ever so often (i.e. maybe some every five odd years).

-_Irasshaimase_ = I actually don't know if I spelled this right, but employees and shop owners greet their customers with this phrase. It basically means "Welcome!"

-_Itadakimasu_ = this means something like "Thanks for the meal!" It's proper traditional to say when given food.

-_Juuppongatana_ = this translates into "The Ten Swords." Now that you know this, perhaps Kaoru's joke made a bit more sense. ^_^

  
  


AND NOW, A WORD FROM YOUR AUTHORESS:

Everyone enjoy it? *looks around anxiously* I hope so.

This is the first story in a series of stories that I plan to be doing. The series will be mainly humor-based, although once and a while the genre will tone down and become serious. Still, I hope to keep the series as light as I can get it.

Since I don't plan on dedicating myself to the series until my other fanfic A Rurouni's Guide to Idiocy is done, this story in of itself will not be completed right away. I have already sworn with others and myself that my frist posted RK fic will be finished! So "Rurouni Guide" fans, don't worry. 

I swear on the sword of my father. The fanfic _will_ be complete.

Until then, I hope you enjoyed this intro at what's to come. And don't worry new "Akabeko Crisis" fans. I didn't put this fic up just to let it die and never see the light of day again. It may be a while until more is added, but it too will come to it's fully-written and proper end. ...Sometime in the unforeseen future.

Until then, try reading my other fic (which I have shamelessly plugged throughout all my notes), A Rurouni's Guide to Idiocy, which is written in similar fashion as this one. Thanks!

  
  



	2. Day One: Unexpected Customers

Disclaimer: Ownership of Item A (the story and characters of Rurouni Kenshin) are owned by Party A (Nobuhiro Watsuki) and Party B (Sony) and are hereto not owned by Party C (rabid-fan Gochan) and others that fall under like category of Party C. Party C may write Item B (fanfiction) as long as Party C remembers that they are under not entitled to Item C (money).

Why did I sign this again?

*Swamp of lawyers clear their throats*

*nervously* Oh yeah. Right.

  
  


_Important Notes: While my other fic "A Rurouni's Guide to Idiocy" is not complete, most people have given me the impression that I will **not** be linched for posting this next chapter before doing so. Therefore, here it is!_

"Rurouni's Guide" **will** be finished! ...I just felt like posting this first. Okay, enjoy!   


**The Akabeko Crisis**

Chapter One/Day One: Unexpected Customers

  


Chapter 1: Day One

It actually hadn't taken much to get Tae to go on a short weekend vacation. Just a little understanding, some gentle prodding, a dab of chloroform, and a coachman who was hired to not ask questions and drive non-stop until reaching Yokohama. 

Good deed having been done for the day, everybody had gone home to enjoy the satisfaction of having done the world a service. 

Normally this would have be a perfectly reasonable and well-deserved thing to do for any other person. Unfortunately, being the main characters they were, the idea of them relaxing so easily was quite laughable. But despite this universal logic, they were all genuinely surprised when Tsubame came running up to the dojo the next morning in a panicked fret over who would run the Akabeko in Tae's absence.

And that, dear friends, is exactly why Kaoru was pummeling Sanosuke.

…Oh wait, there were a few more details. Our beloved Kenshin-gumi naturally answered Tsubame's call for help and had stepped up to the challenge. Adorned in aprons and armed with serving trays, they had opened up the restaurant on schedule and were currently tackling the mid-morning crowd.

Well, Yahiko and Tsubame were anyway. Kaoru was too busy tackling Sano. Why, you ask? Well…

"SANO!" the kenjutsu master growled as she appeared to be trying to switch which arm went in which socket. "STOP EATING ALL THE ORDERS!!"

…The tanuki always had her reasons.

"Maa maa," Kenshin said, stepping out from the kitchen to pacify his friends. "Calm down you two. Your fighting isn't showing a good face to the customers. Kaoru-dono, you can give sessha a hand while Sanosuke sweeps the front."

Kaoru beamed happily, her anger at Sano gone in an instant. "You want me to help you with the cooking, Kenshin?" she asked incredulously.

General silence.

"…Kenshin?"

"Sanosuke, you can give sessha a hand while Kaoru-dono sweeps the-"

(*POW*)

"Orororororororoooo!!!!"

"You Jerk!!" Kaoru shouted after punching the redhead back into the kitchen where he landed amidst a clattering of pots and pans. However, at the sacrifice of the rurouni's consciousness, the young woman resigned herself to porch duty while Sano ended up doing the dishes as Tsubame covered for Kenshin.

First crisis of the day avoided, Yahiko looked at a clock to see that was only 10:58. This was the first sign that it was going to be a long day. 

The second sign stepped in ten minutes later.

"Ohohohoho!!" it said.

----------

"Ohohohoho!!" it repeated, and yet didn't since it was only a minor yet badly done scene change that lapsed back to three seconds ago, hence there wasn't really any repeating.

"Me-Megumi-san!" Kaoru stammered as she turned from her sweeping to face the female doctor. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to do what normal people come to do at a restaurant. Eat, of course. I thought I would come catch an early lunch before the clinic really started getting busy. But I must say that it's a surprise to find all of you working shifts. Does this mean that Ken-san is here too?" she asked slyly, following up with a cool gaze and casual flick of hair. Megumi sometimes prided herself for being able to execute such dubious nonchalance with natural charisma. It was perfect for teasing a certain short-tempered tanuki girl.

"He's busy at the moment," Kaoru growled crossly, following up with a threatening glare and menacing grinding of teeth. Kaoru sometimes prided herself for being able to execute such forbidding intimidation with natural violence. It was perfect for vanquishing a certain unwanted vixen.

…That is, it _would_ be perfect for vanquishing if it ever proved itself to work. Consequently however, as Megumi brushed her way past, Kaoru had to admit that she had envisioned the vanquishing to be going in the _other_ direction.

"Well maybe I can go in and help 'relieve' him," Megumi smirked as she passed by. She was greeted through the door.

"Irasshaimase," Yahiko said automatically. He then blinked in reorganization and switched to, "Oh, it's you Megumi."

"Gee, the service is so warm today," she stated dryly. "Where's Ken-san, Yahiko?"

"I said he's busy!" Kaoru yelled, entering in behind the doctor.

The 10-year old scratched his head indifferently. "Well if by busy you mean 'out cold' then yeah, he's in the back."

"Oh my!" Megumi gasped. "Is he alright?"

"He'll be fine. His head just landed on a pan, that's all."

"Don't you mean a pan landed on his head?"

"No, his head was flyin' at it pretty fast."

Megumi didn't even break to blink. "Kaoru, right?"

"Who else?" he replied.

"Will you two stop picking on me?!" the Kamiya girl cried in anger. "Don't you have patients or anything you need to get back to Megumi-san?"

"I seem to have a patient in need of my care right here," she sniffed.

"What? Where-"

"Oh Keeeeeen-saaaaaaaaaan!" the lady doctor sang, walking over and entering into the kitchen area. "Megumi is here to make it all better!" is what she meant to say next, but it somehow ended up coming out as, "Ohohohohohohoho!!!" Complete with fox ears.

The reason for this sudden transition was easy to understand. …Once explained of course.

Sanosuke's right eyebrow twitched irritably (although not as dangerously as Tae's eye had). Darkly he growled, "If you say one word Kitsune…" 

Since "Ohohohohoho!" wasn't an official word, she continued doing just that until her appendix threatened to burst. And anyone else would have to admit that seeing Sagara Sanosuke - renowned street-fighter, former gangster, and machismo supreme - up to his elbows in soapy dishwater and wearing a frilly white apron to boot (Tsubame insisted it was standard uniform), was a pretty funny sight. At least everyone but Sano thought so.

"Quit laughin' already!" the tall man finally screamed in annoyance. Megumi (unfortunately for Sano) took this as permission to speak.

"My," she smirked, lifting a hand to her jaw, "it seems that the Akabeko has really gone to the roosters and tanukis today!" Sano and Kaoru glared daggers at her while wishing they weren't so metaphorical. "Has your debt really accumulated so much that Tae-san has you working off your tab, Rooster Head? Goodness! To think that you're actually _working_! I think you should come in for a check-up. You _must_ be ill! You've obviously become delirious!"

"You just want to get your hands on me, Fox," he shot back, smugly.

"Fortunately I have other _more important_ patients to look after," she quipped in reply. "But Genzai-sensei should be able to take a look at you."

"If you two are done with the lover's quarrel," Yahiko muttered, only to be saved from their wrath by then saying, "Kenshin's over there in the corner still in need of some medical attention."

Not to mention some dignity. The doctor would never understand how the others thought that piling the unconscious rurouni in a boneless heap was supposed to improve his condition.

"Honestly," she tsked. "Don't you people have any idea how to handle the injured? You're supposed to treat them with tender-loving care." Grinning devilishly, she remarked, "Allow me to demonstrate…"

"Meguuuuumiiiiii," Kaoru hissed warningly. Fortunately Kenshin chose that moment to wake up.

"Orororo…"

Pulling the incoherent redhead onto her lap, Megumi purred, "Comfy Ken-san?"

Still incoherent, he continued, "Hai, sessha has a very soft bed de gozaru …"

…Or perhaps, _unfortunately_.

Blinking the last of his dizziness away, Kenshin blinked and met eyes with the lady doctor. "Megumi-dono?" A moment of silence followed. "You're not a bed," he brilliantly concluded.

In full agreement with that statement, Kaoru interjected with a few points of her own. …Spoken via broomstick. After a long and thorough follow-up, she ended with, "Kenshin no Baka!!!" 

Yahiko watched as Kenshin was given another flying lesson through the back door while Megumi was left without a scratch despite how close she had been to the fury of the raccoon girl's swings. This feat gave credit to both Kaoru's skills as a swordsman and her strength as a brute.

"Honestly, Kaoru!" Megumi sniffed, her attention focused on the fuming kendoist rather than on the once-again-unconscious rurouni. "I can see why no one cares to try and court you. A man likes to _live_ through the relationship, you know."

Kaoru began to steam out her ears. "Ha!" she retaliated. "Then how does that explain why _you_ don't have any suitors?!"

"I'm too busy for plain, ordinary men," the doctor shot back coolly, flicking a long tress of raven hair over her shoulder. Holding a few ends up to her lips teasingly she added, "That's why I only make time for Ken-san."

"What?!" Kaoru cried, drowning out Sano and Yahiko's indignant, "Hey!"

"A man of such fine standard as Ken-san only deserves a lady of equal quality!" Megumi continued, a sly and giddy smile lighting her features almost childishly. "It's only fair that I, the only woman who matches such description, make myself available to him! Ohohoho!"

"What's that supposed to mean?!" the younger woman demanded, her temper-taut muscles threatening to snap her broom in two before using the less-pleasant half to give the female medic a hardy prescription of Vitamin C (for Concussion). As to which half was the less-pleasant half… Well, that depended on how creative Kaoru was feeling.

"Must I spell everything out for you?" Megumi sighed, not being a person who could be intimidated easily (or take a hint). "The simple fact of the matter is that Ken-san needs a woman who can take care of his every need. A violent, tanuki girl who can't make a simple riceball just isn't up to his standard."

A few very "creative" thoughts ran through Kaoru's mind. "My cooking is improving everyday!" she shot back.

"Yeah!" Yahiko defended. "She didn't burn the kitchen down like she did yesterday!"

"Not helping, Yahiko…" his instructor growled.

"I know," he curtly replied.

Before he could be sent out the door in a similar manner Kenshin took, Megumi continued, "It's no surprise Ken-san was doing all the cooking then. If it were left up to you, Kaoru, my clinic would be full of patients suffering from food poisoning."

"Oh yeah?! Well I'll show you!" Kaoru began to make a beeline for the kitchen, but the going was slow. Especially with Sano and Yahiko clinging to her ankles.

"Don't do it, Jou-chan!"

"Yeah, we still have so much to live for!"

"Will you too shut up and have a little faith in me?!"

"Faith?" Sano scoffed. "We're gonna need a clergy! Our bodies will have to be properly buried after--"

(*WHACK*)

After seeing Sano join Kenshin in the yard, Yahiko promptly let go. He didn't want to die just yet, seeing as to how he still had an important job to do. …Mainly warning other people about this catastrophe.

Kaoru turned to continue on her way but found Megumi blocking her with a held out hand. "Out of my way! I'll show you that I can too make a decent riceball."

"Like I said, Kaoru, I don't want my clinic overrun with cases of stomach pains. If anyone should be cooking in Ken-san's stead, it's me." Kaoru threw her a nasty look which made Megumi think twice. "…Alright, you're right. It's _anyone_ else, just as long as they're not you."

"That's it, Megumi! I'll bet that I can make any dish better than you! Why, I even bet that I can make _several_ dishes at a time better than you and uphold this restaurant!"

The doctor's eye glinted with amused apprehension. "A bet, huh. And what are you willing to wager?"

"Eh?" Kaoru blinked, then scrunched her eyebrows in thought. "Well… let's see… I'll help you out at the clinic if I lose and you help me around the dojo if I win."

The other woman raised a brow. "That's nice, Kaoru, but I'm a doctor that cares too much about my patients to agree to that."

"That was only _if_ I lose!"

"How about something more interesting, like…"

"_Not_ Kenshin!"

"Spoiled sport." Megumi switched her thoughts. "Alright, how about this. We'll do something similar to your idea, only the loser has to become the winner's personal servant for an entire week. In other words, the loser has to do anything the winner says."

Thinking only of all the wonderful labor she could have Megumi do for her, Kaoru quickly agreed. "Deal!"

"Alright then, we'll have the match tomorrow just before noon and carry it on through the lunch hour."

"Why not today? Scared you'll lose?" Kaoru sneered.

"Of course not. In fact, I'm not even sure what I'm going to have you do once I _do_ win. Can't imagine what I'd entrust to a clumsy girl like you…"

"Megumi!"

"But I have too many appointments to fulfill such a duel today. I should be able to make room in my schedule for tomorrow however. So we'll have our little showdown then."

"Fine. I'll be more than ready for you," Kamiya said, clenching her fist before her in triumphant determination.

"This won't be like one of your sparring matches, Kaoru," Megumi warned, grinning with her own confidence. "I can assure you that I won't hold back."

"Neither will I," Kaoru evenly replied.

"That's what we're all afraid of," Yahiko interrupted. 

Less than a minute later he was next to Sano and Kenshin, enjoying the summer sky through Swirly Vision ™.

"Jerks."

---------

The next day…

  


…hadn't come yet. It was still Day One out of Three for the Kenshin-gumi taking care of the Akabeko. Although some members would claim that an eternity had already crept by, the clock and calendar would argue otherwise. And as punishment for their complaining, the day would only get longer.

At least this is what Kenshin figured when Saitou stepped in through the door towards the evening approach. 

It was a pleasant surprise. Just like finding out someone put thumbtacks in your shoes is a pleasant surprise. Kenshin showed Saitou just how pleasantly surprised he was.

"Hello Saitou. And what are you doing here in Tokyo this fine day?"

…Curse his habitual politeness. It got in the way of many a nifty action scene and made stress a whole lot harder to deal with.

"Humph," Saitou said instead of answering the question. "What is this? I walk into a nice-looking restaurant looking forward to a simple bowl of hot soba, and I find the place swarming with idiots." Hajime quickly surveyed the diner's empty booths. "Since there are no customers, I guess the idiots only apply to the staff."

"The manager of this restaurant is on vacation," Kenshin explained as tranquilly as a person with sudden violent urges could. "Sessha and the others have come to take care of it in her place until she returns."

"At the rate you're taking care of it now, it should be out of business just in time for her welcome home present."

"Er… It's been a slow day de gozaru," Kenshin answered, not particularly feeling any need to tell the policeman that ever since earlier that afternoon when Kaoru kicked everyone out of the kitchen to get some "practice" in before her showdown with Megumi, the others had seen it their personal duty to ward off any customers. Yahiko was supposed to currently be standing at the entrance, warning others to stay away from this place like it was the end of the world. (Oro, Saitou was right. The Akabeko _would_ be out of business if they kept spreading publicity like that.) But if Yahiko was supposed to be keeping them away, that means either Saitou snuck in (highly unlikely), or Yahiko decided to make an exception (or an example).

Kenshin could deal with that.

"So what does a person have to do to get some service around here?" the imposing policeman inquired dryly. Snapping out of his thoughts, Kenshin led him to a booth (conveniently one that wasn't under his jurisdiction) where the man sat down. Kenshin took the seat opposite. Saitou got the hint. "I see you understand I'm not in town for a social visit."

"You're not exactly the type to drop by for tea."

"Humph," he smirked. "I'll get straight to the point then. …Right after I make an order of course. Exactly who's in charge here?"

"Anou… Sano," Kenshin called. "You're not servicing your tables."

"You mean we actually let a customer _in_?" the ex-gangster muttered as he walked over, rubbing the back of his head in disbelief. "Who in their right mind would--What the heck is HE doing here?!"

Saitou smirked at the sight. "Nice apron, Rooster Head."

"It's uniform," Sano seethed with loathing before whipping his anger around at the redhead. "Kenshin, how could you let this guy in?! …And why aren't you wearing an apron?!?!"

"Sessha is on break de gozaru. BesidesYahiko is the one watching the front," the rurouni informed him, nervously trying to wave off the man's increasing wrath. He did not help his own efforts when he then added, "Why don't you take Saitou's order now?"

"Take an order from _him_?! I'd rather die!"

Fingering his sword Saitou asked, "Is this were the _customer_ service comes in?"

"Just try it you slanty-eyed psycho!"

"Maa maa!" Kenshin intervened, stopping things before they got cool… er, violent. "Saitou, I believe you said you came in for a bowl of soba, correct?"

"Yes. Plain and hot."

"Sano, please go order it up for him."

"But--"

"Sano."

The tall fighter held a look of dissatisfaction that could only be cured by a swift right hook to the cop's jaw. Well, that, or realizing exactly who would be making this meal for Saitou. Sano remembered the latter. "Coming right up," he said with pleasantly dark tones before walking towards the kitchen.

"Make it snappy, Rooster," Saitou shot. "I don't want to be here any longer than I have to."

Sano tensed for a moment before walking on. "Oh you'll be out of here sooner than you think," he mumbled, the smile in his face growing more sadistic. He disappeared into the kitchen.

Saitou turned back towards his company and immediately raised an eyebrow. "What's that sadistic grin on your face, Battousai?"

Kenshin fell back into his rurouni-front faster than you could say oro. …Which he did. "Gomen Saitou, sessha was just thinking of something."

"What kind of 'something'?"

"Ironic justice."

"What?"

"Er, so what's your business in Tokyo again?"

Saitou was the kind of person who could let a subject drop. Mind you however, he was not the kind to soon forget it. Nonetheless he moved on. "Just a small matter in Tokyo's Underground dealings that might have a connection with recent Kyoto events. Nothing to concern yourself over, really."

"Saitou, with all due respect, anything concerning you is something for me to be concerned over. Besides, it seems to me that you wish to ask my help. I don't believe you'd have made yourself so easily public otherwise."

"Huh," the man smirked, reaching into his jacket and producing a pack of cigarettes. "To tell you the truth I'm not sure I will need your help, but the officer in charge of the Tokyo division insisted you be informed that your assistance might be sought after in the future." He glanced up at the scarred swordsman. "Seems they've troubled you enough with last-minute notices in the past."

Kenshin chuckled. "Well, that's true. But sessha has never really minded helping out the police in some of their matters. By the way Saitou…" He reached over and plucked the unlit smoke from the cop's mouth. "This is the non-smoking section," he said with a slightly strained grin.

"Humph. Where's the smoking section then?"

"Outside. Shall I show you the way?"

"I'll wait for my soba, thanks," he responded, tucking the cig back into its pack. 

As if on cue, Sano entered the serving area with one said bowl of steaming soba. He set it before Saitou who was staring at the fist-fighter's appearance.

"Since when was making a bowl of soba such a difficult task?" he asked, noting the ash streaks on Sano's clothes and face.

"Jo-chan's making tempura," Sano offered as an explanation.

Saitou raised an eyebrow while Kenshin merely reminded his friend where the fire bucket was. 

Finding this unusual, Saitou also found that he really didn't want to know so he ignored it. Seasoning the noodles (which slipped around more so than any other noodles he had been served before), he broke open his chopsticks, dug out a mouthful, and lifted it to his lips.

Kenshin paused. Sano paused. This was because Saitou paused.

"Do you two mind?" he then asked, indicating to the lack of space he had to eat in due to the two other men leaning so far forward to watch him eat.

"Sorry," the both mumbled, settling back into a more comfortable distance yet unable to take their eyes off of the noodles, tantalizingly suspended mere centimeters away from the officer's mouth. Saitou eyed them suspiciously for a moment, then the noodles. They didn't seem to be doing anything spectacular (which came a slight surprise to Kaoru's friends), so he did what one naturally does with soba.

Saitou ate them. 

He ate them _all_.

Kenshin and Sano watched in morbid fascination as Saitou Hajime devoured the entire bowl of noodle without so much as a gag, a choke, or a "Dear Kami what _is_ this?!" When Mibu's wolf set the empty dish down on the table with a tap of finality, they were unsure if they should be screaming in horror or worshiping him like a god. 

"I didn't know watching a man eat soba could be so fascinating," Saitou remarked as he stood (_He can still **stand**_?! Kenshin and Sano both thought) and collected his things. "I'll likely be in town for the next few weeks Battousai, but don't expect any favors from me while I'm here."

Kenshin numbly nodded and Sano mentioned something about the check.

"Don't expect me to pay for that," Hajime muttered as he left. "Worst soba I've ever had in my life. Almost as bad as the service." Something else was uttered before he exited out the door, but the distances cut it short. Kenshin was sure it was something about needing a long smoke however.

The restaurant was filled with a long pause of awe.

"…Are you sure Kaoru-dono cooked that?" Kenshin finally asked after it.

"Positive."

Kaoru suddenly poked her head out of the kitchen. "So, any compliments to the chef?" she asked cheerily.

"They're walking out of here upright," Sano told her. "If that ain't a compliment to your cooking I don't know what is."

Kenshin stayed wisely silent as Kaoru showed her "appreciation" for Sano's praise. Stealthily making his way over to the entrance, he made one of the most relieving announcements of his life. However, no one heard the sound of the sign being flipped.

CLOSED.

Kenshin had the sinking feeling that this would be the highlight of his day for the next two evenings.

  


End Chapter One/Day One.

  
  


NOTES THAT MIGHT HELP:

-Soba is a dish that Saitou apparently has a liking for, seeing as to how that's all he orders in the series (I think so anyway). While I'm not sure of it's ingrediants, I think its just noodles. Go fig.

-Contrary to what some fans think or have been told, Saitou is actually stationed in Kyoto. He only came to Tokyo for special investigations, and this time is no exception. (Hint hint hint!)

-_Tanuki_ = a racoon-like creature of Japanese myth that has become Kaoru's animal counter-part

  
  


AND NOW, A WORD FROM YOUR AUTHORESS:

Er, I'm going to apologize to Megumi fans now. I originally didn't mean to make her come off so... Itchy with a captial B. I know she wouldn't act like this after the Jinchuu arc, let alone the Kyoto one, but I'm using that strange AU where none of the charactes have really developed despite all the events happening. Besides, I needed Kaoru angry enough to jump into the bet. Sorry! I will make it up to you in later stories!

Yes, Saitou is still human. It's not _that_ much of an AU. So why isn't he effected? Well, you'll find out in a later chapter of this story.

A reminder that this is the first story in the first part of a series I will be calling "Patchwork." So not everything will be resolved in this story. Saitou's "business" will actually be covered in a later story, so you can actually put that out of mind for now.

As was said, I did't plan on posting this chapter until A Rurouni's Guide to Idiocy was done, but I had this finished and waiting and I just got impatient. I asked fans of "Rurouni's Guide" if it's be okay and the consensus was positive on the condition that I actually finish the other fic. I WILL. No doubt! Thanks for your continued support, minna!

"Rurouni's Guide" is actually nearing its end, and I will be able to wait until it is done before I finish and post this fic's next chapter. Sorry "Akabeko" fans, but I've made a pledge to others first and I must and will keep it.

Once again I have shamelessly plugged throughout all my notes A Rurouni's Guide to Idiocy. But the truth is, if you liked this, you'll probablly like that. Anyhoo, I'm shutting up now. Thanks again!

  
  



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